Mindfully Serene

Self-criticism can be one of the toughest inner battles to face. Many of us have an inner voice that points out our flaws, magnifies mistakes, and undermines our self-worth. Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) offers a powerful way to challenge this harsh inner critic and build a kinder, more supportive relationship with ourselves. CFT is a relatively new form of therapy, and is known as a third-wave CBT approach. It is really effective in overcoming things such as low self-worth, anxiety, and PTSD. This is one of my favourite therapy models, and I use it a lot with the clients I work with. 

What Is Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)?

CFT is a therapeutic approach developed by psychologist Paul Gilbert to help people manage feelings of shame, guilt, and self-criticism. It focuses on cultivating compassion toward oneself and others, drawing from evolutionary psychology, mindfulness, and cognitive-behavioral principles.

CFT argues that each of us has 3 internal ‘systems’ that we tend to operate from:

• Threat System: Activated by danger, leading to fear, anxiety, or self-criticism. The threat system is when we are feeling really anxious or hypervigilant. It can be the system which tells us we are ‘not good enough’ or puts us down a lot.
• Drive System: Motivates achievement but can lead to burnout if overused. Drive is what encourages us to get things done, to work towards and achieve our goals. If you suffer from depression, you may find your drive system is really small.
• Soothing System: Linked to feelings of safety, calm, and self-compassion. Soothe is when we feel content, and I almost imagine it as being at peace. Performing acts of self-care which bring us these feelings is a good way to activate soothe.

One thing I usually do to start is get people to draw out their three systems in size order, or to rank them by which one they feel they are spending most time in. Compared to the least. It can be a really helpful reflection to look at where you’re at, and how we can create more balance. Ideally, for a lot of people, we want to work on growing our self-soothe system. By strengthening the soothing system, CFT helps reduce the intensity of self-criticism and promotes inner peace.

How Self-Criticism Affects Mental Health

Self-criticism can feel motivating, but it often leads to negative mental health outcomes, such as:

• Low self-esteem
• Depression and anxiety
• Difficulty managing stress
• Relationship challenges

Breaking the cycle of self-criticism involves learning how to respond to ourselves with compassion rather than judgment. If you’re someone who has struggled with self-criticism for quite some time, this isn’t going to happen over-night! I always say to people that we have two voices/versions – our self-critical voice, and our self-compassionate voice. A lot of the time, the self-critical voice is really big and strong, and self-compassion is tiny. In the same way you wouldn’t go to the gym once and expect to be really muscley, you can’t expect to use self-compassion once and for that voice to be the ‘biggest’. It takes time, and continuous practice/effort is what’s going to help that self-compassion muscle grow. 

Key CFT Techniques to Reduce Self-Criticism

Here are some practical strategies from CFT that can help you become more self-compassionate:

1. Compassionate Self-Talk

• Replace harsh inner dialogue with supportive, understanding statements. Each time you notice you’re criticising yourself, maybe make a note and see if you can notice any patterns in the things you’re saying to yourself. 
• Try this prompt: “What would I say to a close friend in this situation?” Use that same tone with yourself. 
• At first, thinking of or saying the more compassionate alternative will feel really uncomfortable and unnatural, however the more you do this, the easier it will become.
• I’d recommend starting small – for example, if your self-critical thoughts are often ‘I am so ugly!’, don’t jump to telling yourself you are the most beautiful person in the world, as you just won’t believe it. But rather, you could say something like ‘I really like my eyes’, or telling yourself ‘there is much more to me than my external beauty’. 

2. Soothing Breathing Exercise

• Soothing Rhythm Breathing (SRB) is one of the key exercises taken from CFT and often underpins every exercise we go on to do. So, this is a really great one to practice if you can, and there are a lot of guided resources out there to help you with this. 

The 3 steps to SRB can be found here:

1. Sit comfortably and take slow, deep breaths. 
2. Imagine breathing in warmth, kindness, and comfort.
3. Exhale stress, tension, and self-criticism.

You can repeat these steps as much as you feel is necessary. 

3. Compassionate Imagery

Research has shown that visualising a place/figure is as helpful as experiencing that place/figure in real life. It triggers the same responses in your brain, as though that thing is actually happening – cool, right?

• Visualize a compassionate figure—real or imagined—offering you warmth and understanding. This can be a real person, or a completely made-up figure. A lot of people maybe want to visualise someone who has passed away, and it is OK to do this, so long as it doesn’t evoke overwhelming feelings of sadness and grief. The purpose of this exercise is to help us feel safe, and content. So please be mindful of this when doing this exercise. 
• Picture this figure comforting and supporting you during difficult moments. Imagine what they would say/do that would make you feel supported.

4. Write a Compassionate Letter

Compassionate letter writing is a really powerful exercise. We can write letters to an ‘old version’ of ourselves – for example, to the version of you which went through a really difficult experience, or to the version of you that is currently going through that experience right now. 

• Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of someone who cares deeply about you. – Imagine what you would say to a friend if you were writing this letter to them.
• Acknowledge your struggles while offering kindness and encouragement. It is important to validate your own experiences – for example, telling yourself it is OK that you’re struggling to deal with this, or it is OK to feel a lot of sadness right now. 

Final Thoughts

Learning to be compassionate toward yourself takes practice, especially if you’ve been self-critical for a long time. Compassion-Focused Therapy provides evidence-based tools that can help you develop a kinder, more understanding relationship with yourself.

Start small—practice one technique today. Over time, these compassionate habits can reshape how you relate to yourself, fostering greater emotional well-being and inner peace.

Speak to you soon.

Love,

T x